What the doctors called a disorder, my mother considered a deliverance. Her symptoms had intensified through years of oversight and avoidance, presenting one hallucination after another, distorting one relationship after the next, until she isolated herself completely and settled into an altered reality - a world that was an escape for her, but a nightmare to me, as her daughter. My mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was in college - a chemical imbalance in her brain, an illness undetected. She was tormented by something, I could see that, but I knew nothing about her mental illness. I held her responsible for making my life a secret, for giving me so much to hide and lie about. I grew up believing that my mother was moody, intensely paranoid, and detached from reality. I still believed that if I tried hard enough, I could outsmart the voices in her head and make her feel safe. She offered to stay at a hotel over the weekend, certain that if she left, the water would somehow be released. She wouldn’t sit down or get comfortable and she kept her purse on her shoulder. She had no rest, and I had no rest when I was with her. Someone was always after her, watching and plotting. I knew my mother would not do well with this: The problem had nothing to do with her, but she didn’t see it that way. The note said that even if we paid the bill immediately, the water company would not come out to turn the water back on until the next business day, two whole days away. I inhaled her familiar fragrance as I hugged her, then loaded up her things and drove the forty minutes from the Baltimore bus station back to my place, where she would stay for the next week.Īt home, we were greeted by a note on the door saying the water had been turned off. Approach your loved one with compassion and empathy, reassuring them that you’re not going anywhere and that you simply want to help both them and yourself.The last time my mother came to visit, she arrived smelling of cigarettes, coffee, and Blue Magic hairdress. They may think about difficult past relationships and be afraid that they’ll lose you as well. If your loved one experiences this extreme aversion to separation, realize that they may become upset when you approach them with the idea of setting personal boundaries, seeing it as a rejection or pulling away.X Trustworthy Source National Alliance on Mental Illness Grassroots mental health-focused organization providing resources, support, and education for those affected by mental illness Go to source Realizing the effects of these symptoms can help you better understand your loved one’s response to your desire for boundaries. BPD is a difficult and tumultuous mental illness, often characterized by an intense fear of abandonment and pattern of intense, unstable relationships. Understand the nuances of BPD so you can set boundaries more empathetically. Other symptoms include a fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, changes in self-image, impulsive behavior, suicidal behavior, mood swings, and feelings of anger or emptiness.We’ll talk it over for a few minutes, then I’ll sit close by in the next room while you calm down.” Instead, try saying, “Let me know when you’re experiencing intense paranoia.
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